


Gay Tendencies

by Edgy_Trashbag



Category: choah
Genre: Fiction, Gay, Homophobic family, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Original Characters - Freeform, collection of works, denying of the homo, highschool, story everyday for november
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-11-02
Updated: 2017-11-04
Packaged: 2019-01-28 07:51:46
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 5,216
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12601792
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Edgy_Trashbag/pseuds/Edgy_Trashbag
Summary: Everyday for November I will be writing a story. Caleb and Nate are eight graders who have been friends since early elementary school.  Caleb has a religious family and both boys deal with internalized homophobia.





	1. I just have gay tendencies

**Author's Note:**

> Caution: THESE ARE BASED OFF OF REAL PEOPLE THAT I KNOW BUT I HAVE CHANGED NAMES FOR PRIVACY. also i cant get in trouble if i use fake names. There are going to be different storylines and prompts and it make be confusing. Yall have been warned.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Caleb starts thinking about the idea of being gay and learns of his internalized homophobia. He tries to talk it out with his close friend Nate and things don't go as expected.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am in no way saying this has or will happen. I am not trying to push sexuality onto others. This is purely a work of fiction.

Being a Mormon has never been easy, I mean its what I was raised as. I just don't agree with some of the ideas, but can any religion be truly perfect? Of course not, so I guess i just have to get over the fact that some things just make zero sense. Its kind of hard trying to maintain school, sports, friendships, relationships, and religion. Not only am I in AP classes but I'm in soccer, have a large friend group and I'm a teenager. Its honestly kind of a mess. Especially when you have a reputation at school and somebody is threatening it. This one girl that I've known for years has been trying to do that for years. I met her in second grade and I just can't seem to get her to give up. I think she had a weird crush on me in elementary school. Shes been joking about me being gay mostly with my long term friend, Nate. I've known him even longer than I've known the girl. We have a lot of similar interests. Mostly soccer. But I just don't understand how anybody could possibly think I'm gay? I'm the straightest straight person to ever exist. First, I'm a Mormon! How could I possibly be gay? Second, I play sports. Sports are NOT gay!

I mean I guess I might give off a gay vibe. I'm abnormally nice to people I don't know, but that's not really gay, that's just nice. I guess I may have a walk that makes me seem gay? Maybe it's my hair. No it's definitely the hair. I don't act gay at all. Its just the hair. Although, I am a bit touchy with some of my friends. Its not my fault I slapped Brandon's ass in sixth grade. I was aiming for his back. I was also a bit touch with Andy when I stroked his chest and pulled on his sweatshirt but it was just a joke and I was thinking "no homo" so not gay. I also don't date girls because I don't date anybody. If I did date, I would date girls.

The thought of being gay actually terrifies me. What would Jesus think? What would God think? What would my parents think? I'm so glad I'm not gay because my parents would hate me. They would probably send me to some camp to degay me. Being gay is wrong, sinful and unnatural, so its good that I'm not gay. I guess being gay is actually okay as long as I don't act on it, but I don't have to worry about that because I'm not even gay. I'm too young to date anyways, I just turned 14 last month. Plus Nate is only 13, so it would be weird if I liked him, right? I think I should discuss this with Nate when I spend the night at his house this weekend, in private. If we talked in school someone might hear and take things out of context. It's Saturday afternoon and I'm on the way to Nate's house. I tried to fight my big sister for the front seat but she kinda won. "Come on! You always get to sit in the front seat! Sitting in the back is lame!" I whined. "Why? So you can impress your boyfriend? Gross." I didn't know how to react. I rolled my eyes and pulled myself into the backseat. I wasn't going to argue about this in front of our very homophobic mother. I know I'm not gay, still my big sisters words kept spinning in my head. Why is being gay wrong? Why is it a sin? For reasons I can't explain, tears filled my eyes. After what felt like hours, we finally pulled into Nate's driveway. "Bye, Caleb, I love you." My mother said. "Love you too, mom," I grabbed my stuff and raced up the driveway. Nate was waiting on the porch. He was using his phone when my mother drove away and i walked up to him. "Boo!" i jokingly yelled at my best friend. He jumped and then rolled his eyes. "You know I hate you right?" he glares at me. "Love you too." I smile. We look at each other for a second and I feel my heart beat just a little bit faster than average. "Lets head in." Nate opened the front door and we ran to his room. I put my stuff down and sit at the white desk in his room and Nate sits on his bed. "Can we talk about something?" my question breaks the silence. Nate doesn't look up from his phone and just says 'sure' "Why does everybody think I'm gay?" Nate's eyes widened and he dropped his phone. "What?" Nate seemed shocked. "And what if I am? Does that make me a bad person?" I feel tears form in my eyes and I struggle to hold them back. "Do you think you are gay?" "I don't know." This time I let the tears stream down my face. Nate stands up and so do I and then he hugs me. Not only does he hug me but then out of nowhere, he kisses me and I'm shocked but I kiss him back and my heart flips upside down and he pulls me closer and I don't know whats happening but I don't hate it. After god knows how long, Nate pulls away. "I'm sorry." "Don't be," I whisper. "You have no idea how long I've been waiting to do that." Nate tells me. "I really don't" I say sarcastically. "Shut up," He says with a smile. "You're my best friend." I hug Nate once more. "Is that what you call it?" He kisses me again. "Yeah, I'm the straightest of all the straights to ever exist." "Lying makes you go to Hell, Caleb." It's funny how fast my mood can change. I can be so sad and then I see Nate and my world flips upside down. "You make me so happy." "I try, I really do."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do not believe the things caleb tells himself. THIS IS A WORK OF FICTION. I do not promote homophobia. Nor do i believe mormons are bad


	2. Coming out isn't always easy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nate decides it's time to come out and in turn, Caleb does too, however calebs family doesn't really agree.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Description of Nate:   
> -tan   
> -brown hair  
> -brown eyes 
> 
> Description of Caleb:  
> -pale with freckles  
> -strawberry blond hair   
> -blue eyes

Coming out isn't always smiles and rainbow flags. It's crying and screaming and having a panic attack at two am because you're scared of what the world will think. It's coming to terms with yourself and being okay but it's also your greatest fear and your worst nightmare. Coming out is a good thing, except when it's not. 

It's been approximately nine months since Nate and I started dating. However I haven't seen him in three weeks as he's been at a baseball thing out of town and I'm finally able to see him again. I've called him every single night for the past three weeks long after I should be asleep. Still, I miss him more than words can describe, he's my oxygen, and I feel dead without him, as cheesy as it sounds. I never thought I would be so sad without seeing his smile that lights up the room, and honestly the world. 

I'm on the way to see him and my heart is beating out of my chest. I'm not nervous though, I'm more, excited you could say. This time my sister actually lets me sit in the front seat and I stare out the window hoping this car ride would go faster and I'm texting Nate and he said he'll right inside the door and I'm ecstatic. I always get butterflies when I see Nate because no matter how long we've been together, I will always feel so in love. 

As soon as the longer than usual drive is over, I race up the driveway and stand on the porch. From the porch I wave 'goodbye' to my family and Nate opens the front door.   
"It's been so fucking long." I mumble as soon as our eyes meet. We run up to his room together and quickly close the door behind us. We kiss immediately and hold each other tighter than usual because it's been so long.   
"I missed you so much." He whispers to me in between kisses.   
"I love you so much." We stumble onto the bed and suddenly Nate stiffens up. Of course neither of us had bad intentions and that's not what we were thinking but Nate pulls back. Clearly something is wrong so I lean back from him.   
"I can't keep doing this." He looks down.   
"Doing what?" I ask somewhat defensively.  
"Hiding,"   
"What?"   
"I don't want to stay in the closet, Caleb we've been dating for months,"   
"But what will other people think?"   
"Who cares what they think?" He looks angry at me for caring what other people think.  
"I do!" I add defensively. I feel tears forming in my eyes and I get up.   
"Where are you going?"   
"Away." I hear my heart pounding out of my chest. Rage takes over, I just want to leave right now, I don't care about anything else other than leaving.   
"Wait!" Nate grabs my wrist before I can open his bedroom door.   
"I'm going for a walk." I mutter angrily, however I feel a little calmer with Nate being closer to me.   
"Let me go with you." I don't protest and we walk downstairs together.  
"We're going for a walk, will be back soon, love you, mom." Nate yells to his mother who is in the next room over.   
"Stay safe," she yells back.

 

"What do you mean by coming out?" We're holding hands and walking closely to hide our hand holding. We've pretty much perfected this skill.   
"I mean, tell our friends and families."   
"I don't know," I look off into the distance as I don't want to face the harsh reality of coming to terms with myself. It may sound stupid but I can't help but feel guilty.   
"Tonight at dinner we can tell my family. My sister and brother are both gonna be here tonight so we can kill 4 birds with one stone,"   
"Fine," I agree because being angry isn't going to help either of us.   
"I love you." He squeezes my hand tighter to let me know everything will be alright.   
"I love you too." 

When we get back to Nate's house,   
dinner is almost ready. Normally we just have dinner in Nate's room to have more privacy but today's a more special day I guess. Nate's older sister and brother are here which is only shocking as they are both moved out of the house and rarely is the whole family in one spot. We all sit down at the dinner table and Nate and I prepare for one of the scariest things we've ever experienced.   
Midway through dinner, Nate decides now is the perfect time to announce our relationship. He signals me by poking my thigh which, yes, was as weird as it sounds. He grabs my hand under the table and I take a deep breath "So, we've been meaning to tell you all for a while but," he shoots a quick glance at me and we look to his family. "We're dating." Everybody laughs at us.   
"What's so funny?" I interrupt.   
"We all knew!" His older sister chimed in.   
"Why didn't you tell me you knew?" Nate jokingly argues.   
"Well I knew you would tell us when you were ready." She goes back to eating her pasta like no big fucking deal. (She's my spirit animal.)   
"Huh, well back to dinner I guess." 

"See that was easy wasn't it?" Nate says in his 'I told you so' voice.   
"I guess, but I'm still not telling my parents yet."   
"Of course, you need time."   
"Thank you, I love you." He grabs my hand we sit on his bed together. We rest back onto the beds backboard and I rest my head on his shoulder.   
"You are the best think to happen to me." I whisper into my boyfriends ear.   
"I know," I can't see his face but I know he's grinning.   
"Shut up." I roll my eyes at him.   
"Make me," I bite my lip, he really knows how to get me going.   
"Maybe I will," I get on top of him and kiss him passionately. That's as far as it goes but that's as far as it needs to go.  
After a few hours we fall asleep holding hands. When I woke up, I felt like a new person, ready to take on whatever the world threw at me. I kiss Nate on the cheek to wake him up and he smiles. Which in turn makes me smile.   
"I love you," I whisper quietly.  
"You're the best," I smile at this.   
"I'm coming out to my family today."   
"What?" His eyes widen.   
"It's about time." I have no fears at this time.   
"You sure?"   
"Yeah, after I get dropped off I'm gonna tell them."   
"Do you want me to be with you?"   
"No, this is something I have to do alone." He smiles at me which leads me to believe I said the right thing. 

When Nate and his Mother drop me off at my house, Nate asks me once more if I want him there and I politely decline as this is far too personal. My hands shake as I make my way to the front door. I walk as I'm not too eager to possibly ruin my life. When my dad opens the door I feel scared, he's prone to anger issues so I don't really want to get on his bad side. I clear my phone of anything bad just in case and I sit my parents down to talk.   
"I have something really important I want to discuss with you two." I can already tell they don't look happy.   
"What is it?" My mother hesitantly inquires.   
"Spit it out son," my father adds.   
"Nate and I are dating, I'm gay." Their eyes widen and their jaws dropped.   
"You're joking right?" My mother grits her teeth. I feel a single tear stream down my cheek. I slowly shake my head.   
"Get out." My mother whispers. I'm frozen, I am barely move.   
"GET OUT!" My mother yells. I run up to my room and lock the door. After what feels like years, my parents call me back downstairs.   
"I'm ashamed in you," my father spits out.   
"I can't believe we raised a fucking fag." My mother adds.   
"I'm sorry," I cry once more.   
"You're disgusting."   
"YOU ARE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE IVE EVER MADE!" My mother yells loudly, I'd be shocked if the neighbors didn't hear. My dad slaps me across the face and points to my room. I go to my room as I really don't want to get hit again.   
Once the door is locked, I cry, I cry my eyes out. I'm hurt, I'm genuinely hurt. I'm angry and I'm upset and I can't breath. I start hyperventilating and I collapse on the floor and now breathing feels impossible but in coughing and I spit onto the ground. I somehow manage myself onto my bed and cover my face with my blanket. I plan my escape.   
After I am stable, I write a note explaining that I'm leaving and I begin packing my backpack. I put only my favorite clothes in the bag and now I wait. I wait until I know my parents are asleep as I have to leave out the front door. My parents took my phone when I first told them so I can't ask anybody to get me. Since I have nowhere else, I'm going to Nate's house. It's a long walk but I'm willing to walk it. 

It's a quarter past 12 and I'm sure my parents are both sleeping. I quietly twist my doorknob and make my way downstairs. Once my front door is closed and I lock it from the outside, I feel a little less tense. I run at first and then I walk as its a long walk and I can't just run all the way to Nate's house even though I'm a great runner. I'm very careful of my surroundings as I really don't want to die today. 

After about 45 minutes of walking, I make it to Nate's neighborhood. I memorized the combination so I press it in and make my way to his house. I don't want to wake anybody up but I fear I must. I ring the doorbell and Nate's mom comes to the door.   
"Caleb?" She looks surprised.   
"Things didn't go well."   
"I bet," she motions for me to come in so I do. I sit on the couch.  
"Nate's obviously asleep but you can still go to his room if you'd like."   
"Can I just stay on the couch? I really don't want to wake him."   
"Of course," 

The next afternoon, Nate and I are driven to the mall by his older sister and she drops us off. Nate gets a call from his mom.   
"Hey, Mrs. Johnson came by a couple minutes ago and dropped off Caleb's phone. She also has a letter for him, she wants him to ready it when he gets home."   
"Oh?" Nate says curiously.  
"Yeah, I think Caleb will be staying with us for a while."   
Nate grabs my hand and kisses it.   
"Okay well love you, mom."   
"Love you," 

"What happened when you came out?"   
"Long story." 

When I got back to Nate's house, my new home for now, I read the letter. 

"Dear Caleb,   
You are not welcome at home as your father and I don't approve of your lifestyle but we still love you. I'll talk to you eventually.   
-mother."   
Although it was cold and mean, the letter gave me closure. It also taught me that coming out isn't all happy and rainbows, coming out isn't always easy.


	3. Roadtrip

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nate's family takes Caleb on a road trip with them. Caleb and Nate have a fight before the road trip.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This may get super gay. Just warning yall

It's been about two weeks since I've moved in with Nate and his family and I'm finally adjusting to their lifestyles and schedules. Now I'm going on a road trip to California with Nate's family. I offered to stay home but they insisted they didn't mind me going with them. It would just be Nate his parents and me as both of his siblings have jobs and other important things to tend to. Nate and I spent a while getting packed and his parents began loading the car, a couple days in advance. 

The day before we leave, Nate and I get in an argument. Nate's been really busy with baseball and soccer and I haven't been able to spend as much time with him as id like and its put us on edge. And when we are together, he has more important things to do, like read. So I use my phone.  
"Why are you always on your phone?" He nags at me.  
"Maybe because you seem too preoccupied with your own stuff to care what I have to do or say." I don't look up from my phone screen.  
"Your being an asshole." I can feel him glaring at me.   
"Hypocrite." I mutter under my breath. Nate gets up grabbing his jacket. He exits the room without saying a word to me. A couple minutes later I heard the front door slam. I would go after him however he probably needs time to cool off. We've never had a fight before I mean we've argued, but we've never had an actual fight.   
Fifteen minutes pass and I hear the front door open again. He runs up the stairs and enters the room. He looks frustrated still and sits at the desk opening his laptop. He occupies himself and I decide to go downstairs to find some food. The atmosphere of the room is awkward and angry and I don't want to be in there right now. Once I return from downstairs I find Nate listening to classical music and he's writing something down but I don't bother to look as he's probably just gonna be an asshole about it. It's getting late so I go to bed. It's been thirty minutes and Nate is getting ready for bed but he grabs a blanket and lays down on the floor.   
"You know you can still sleep in the bed right?" I ask sarcastically. He just glares at me and gets turns his back towards me. Another 30 minutes go by and he gets up to turn off the light.   
"I love you," I don't get a response.

I wake up to Nate's mother knocking on the door informing us it's time to "hit the road" or get ready to at least, Nate is next to me in bed but doesn't seem to acknowledge my existence. We eat breakfast in silence and we put our bags in the car.   
"Look, I'm sorry," I try to apologize.   
"I don't want to hear it."   
"What do you want?" He glares at me as we get in the car and we wait for his parents to join us. Normally one of us will sit in the middle and it would be Nate's turn but he's clearly not up for it. It's still dark outside, I think Nate is trying to sleep through the first few hours. 

After a few hours of driving, we stop at a rest stop to use the bathroom. I pee quickly and I get back to the car. Nate's mom is sitting there.   
"So you and Nate are fighting?"   
"How'd you know?"   
"How could somebody not know?" She raises her eyebrow as she says this.   
"He's thinks I pay more attention to his phone than him, I told him he does the same thing, he called me an asshole, pardon my language, so I called him a hypocrite."   
"Well, trust me be overly polite to him, then don't talk to him for a while unless he talks first." Nate is heading back to the car so we stop talking.   
"Hey, Nate, you doing okay?" I ask.   
He makes a face at me.   
"Doing just great." He says in his nicest voice. I look out the window, occasionally looking back to see what he's doing. I can tell he's growing restless. Eventually I get a text from him. 

To Caleb:   
I'm Sorry. 

To Nate:   
For what? 

To Caleb:   
Being an asshole. 

 

As soon as he has the chance he moves into the middle seat, I see his mother grin. He grabs my hand, I smile. I rest my head on his shoulder and fall asleep. I couldn't help myself, he's so warm and perfect and I'm just glad we aren't fighting anymore.   
"I love you," he whispers as to ensure only the two of us hear.   
"I love you too," 

 

The first night we choose to stay in a hotel. Nate's parents got two separate bedrooms to give us privacy but they did tell us not to do anything inappropriate. No offense, but I don't think we'll listen. I mean we aren't gonna have sex but we can still do some things. 

When we get to our room, Nate formally apologized.  
"I'm sorry for being an asshole." He pulls me close.   
"I'm sorry for also being a dick." We kiss, it's been over 24 hours and honestly I've missed this so much. We start out slow and progressively get faster. Eventually both of our shirts are off and he's on top of me.   
"I fucking love you."   
"I know." 

We go to bed shirtless and again are awakened by the knocking on our door from Nate's mom.   
"Coming,"   
"You could've been last night." Nate whispers in my ear. I slap him lightly to let him know he needs to fucking stop. He smirks. We both quickly put our shirts on and open the door.  
"Okay guys, both of you need to take a shower and put on fresh clothes. Be ready to go within an hour. We both shower quickly and get dressed. Nate slides his hands through my hair.   
"You're hot." I grab his hands and place them on my waist. I wrap my arms around his neck.  
"I love you so much." He buries his head into my neck. We are interrupted by a knocking on our door. We grab our bags and get back into the car for the rest of a long journey to California. I sit in the middle seat and Nate and I intertwine.   
"I love you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well that was gay as fuck


	4. Big changes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Caleb and Nate start highschool.

I was dreading this week, school was starting, and not just school. HIGH SCHOOL was starting. I was a nervous wreck, if people from school found out we were dating, we'd be ruined. Of course I'd love to let the world to know I love my boyfriend more than anything, but I also don't want to get bullied, or treated any differently. I want to tell my close friends I really do, but what if they tell other people? Kat would be so proud of herself, I kind of don't want her knowing, just to be an asshole. She's the one who shipped us together before even I knew, it's so weird to think that there was a time where Nate and I weren't together. 

The first day of school is upon us, I wake up at 5:30 am as school starts much earlier this year. Nate's not getting up until 5:45 so I get to watch him sleep for a little bit. It sounds creepy, but he's just so cute, the way he breathes makes my heart melt. His dark hair is getting longer on top and it looks so good and I'm so happy and I lay back down and I wrap my arm around his waist and he turns over to face me.   
"Good morning," he says whilst half asleep.   
"I love you." I bury my head into his chest.   
"You're my favorite twink." I slap him after he made such a rude remark.   
"What?" He jokes. He kisses my forehead and we start getting ready for school. Nate and I have been inseparable for a while and we only have a few classes together in school. I know it's not a big deal but I love him so much and it'll seem like years and years because I'm a sensitive asshole. Nate just makes me so happy. School is probably gonna make me so sad and people are probably gonna realize that I live with him and then people will get confused and ask us about it.   
"So should we tell other people?" I ask tiredly.   
"About what?"  
"Us!" I yell quietly.   
"If they ask." Once we are both dressed he comes over and hugs me from behind.   
"I love you." He whispers.   
"I love you, Daddy." I say as a joke.   
"No, we do not have a daddy kink."   
"Speak for yourself," I get pushed for saying this. But only in a joking manner.   
"I love you, even if you disappoint me by having a daddy kink." I push him back.   
"I don't."   
"But you do." I roll my eyes at him. 

Nate's mom is driving us to school and we pull up to the school. Nate and I try to make less obvious that we are living together but that's kinda hard to do when we have to get driven in the same car. I really wouldn't mind coming out to the school but I think we'll keep it a secret until others find out. We shall neither deny nor confirm.   
"Bye mom," Nate says to his mom.   
"Have a nice day." I yell to her. 

Whenever we can, Nate and I get very close. We will hold hands where people can't see, sit next to each other in every class, hell I sat on his lap during lunch. We got a couple odd looks but nobody was gonna stop us from having a good time. At this point, I don't care what anybody thinks. Our friends have started asking if we're together. We decide it's time."  
"So, are y'all dating?" Ben asks quietly. Nate gives me a quick glance and I do a slight nod to let him confirm.  
"It's been almost a year." He wraps his arms around my waist pulling me even closer, which was nearly impossible. My love for him gets stronger each passing second. I love him, so much. Every time we touch, I feel a spark, an electric shock that will never fade. He makes me feel a way nobody else could ever make me feel. I'm the luckiest person on earth and I will not take him for granted. 

By 5th period, word has gotten around that Nate and I are dating. Before, I would've been angry but now I can't help but feel 100% comfortable with myself. We intend to become that couple that is so comfortable with themselves to the point that it's common knowledge that we love each other more than words can explain. 

Nate and I both have mountains of homework as we are both in AP classes. After the homework is done, Nate suggests that we spend time together. Quality time together. I'm not sure what this entails but I'm excited.   
First we go on a walk to the elementary school where we met, we hold hands the whole time and I rest my head on his shoulder as we walk, bumpier than you'd think. We went on the swings and had a challenge over who could go higher; shockingly, I won. We walk the track of our old elementary school and we are filled with nostalgia. It reminded me of having to run the mile in 3rd grade. Oddly specific, I know. 

Then we walk to the store. I pick up a small rainbow flag, I want to show everybody how gay I am. Sadly, we run into my older brother at the store. He just looks at me like I'm Benedict Arnold and he called me a fag. I took this moment to prove a point by kissing my boyfriend. I will not let him make me afraid. I will not let him make me back down. 

Finally, we went home and it was time for bed. It still felt special to fall asleep next to him, I feel special. I don't know how I got so lucky. Im a six and he's a ten. He's also super passionate about everything he does and it makes him so amazing. Sometimes I can't even believe I'm with him, like maybe I'll wake up one day and be in my family's house and I won't be with my boyfriend and that would be the worst thing ever. He makes me so fucking happy, to the point where words can't explain. 

I think he's my soulmate. Wait, I know he's my soulmate. We had to have been made for each other, we have so much in common yet we learn so much from each other. He's taught me everything I know, well not everything but a lot. He's made me realize how great the world was.  
Tonight we sneak into his backyard to stargaze together. We take a blanket and some snacks and stare at the sky. We also made out under the stars. Sorry mom. 

If somebody told me two years ago I'd be dating Nate and living in his house, I would've laughed in their faces. It's funny how much thinks can change.


End file.
